As much as I feel a need to write this,it is also blatantly painful because once the words are out I have to deal with the fact that it is reality.Cold hard reality. And let's face it. Reality bites.Jeremy was quite distant once again today. I could play it off for the fact that he is scared and he has put up walls, like he told me on Thursday or the fact that he did have a hangover. I'd really, really like to say that was the only reason. I'm still hoping it is. But me being the pessimist that I naturally am I believe that the end is in sight. I'm crying as I write this because the fact is that I really thought this was the real thing. But now it feels like a rerun with my relationship with Nick. At this point in that relationship he gave me the "I'm thinking of breaking up with you but I don't have the balls to do it yet." call. Which meant of course that I had my heart broken that night. I chopped my hair that next day, skipped school and indulged in fattening foods, only to still go out with him for another week. Then I got to redo the whole process again when he did do it at the end of the week. And to add insult to injury, shortly after our breakup I found out that he had propositioned Jessica. I'm very thankful that I don't work with Jeremy until Tuesday and then again on Thursday. I'm going to test the waters and hope for the best and if things don't improve by Thursday, I'm going to end it.I just can't handle getting more attatched than I already am. After Thursday we don't work again until at least the following Tuesday so that will help me ease into it. I feel at least if I have some sort of plan than I at least have a little control in a situation where I feel helpless in do to my feelings. If Thursday doesn't have a happy ending I'll probably butch my hair,dye it blonde and swear off men forever, and I mean it this time.