"i can't explain it but before you complete a whole sentence, it feels like my heart is about to jump out of my shirt. but you'll never love me the way you once loved her. you'll never love me at all."~taken from blindspot

I have now realized that I am afraid of the whole female latina race. Two twenty something dolled up Mexican girls came into the restaurant and sat in my section. All of a sudden I was so nervous. Why you may ask? Oh my God what if one of them was Fernando's wife. What if he told her? What if she's here to come get even? On the left hand of the one girl was a big wedding ring. I swear I felt my stomach drop and ice cold water fill it. I kept screwing up their order. I have never been so intimidated in my life. Can you be killed by your conscience? I believe it is possible. I doubt that either of them really was the woman I know nothing about but will I still think every hispanic girl is her?

Marie thinks that I am crazy to be so upset. She says that I didn't realize he was married . It is HIS conscience that should be bothered. But would his wife feel the same way. Nope. I'd be the whore. She'd look at me and come up with all my flaws and be astounded that he would sink that low. At least it made me feel better when Marie asked him what he'd like (referring to what to drink)his brother George said "A new wife." So maybe I'll try to defend myself and think that she is some frigid bitch that he only married because they have a child together and is intensly depressed. Or maybe I'll just learn my lesson and research every guy I fool around with to make sure he doesn't have a wifey at home.