My very first entry I wrote was January 31. Now this is my 100th entry! I decided to do an overview of my thoughts during those hundred entries.Things certainly change!

" Please know that I am forever changed because of you and what you've meant to me."(bit from monalogue)

2.14 I had a psychic encounter "When he asked why I told him that I didn't have a boyfriend. He then proceeds to tell me that I was betrayed by my last boyfried. (My boyfriend unsucessfully attempted to get my best friend to sleep with him)He said I was really hurt by this and don't trust guys so I tend to put up walls. He said I try to fake being a strong woman when I am really quite sensitive. What really got me was the fact that he told me that there was a guy coming into my life soon, not next week or anything,that would hold me and just want to be with me. That really got me"

2.23 Started falling for a coworker"Jeremy is this really great guy who I work with. He's so much fun. We'll have these great conversations about anything and everthing and all of a sudden we realize that it is nearly time to close and we haven't accomplished anything. He calls me on it when I'm being absurd about my imperfections. Like when I said how awful I look in my glasses and said that I looked like a librarian. He countered and told me nobody would think that he said instead that I looked like a sexy secretary."2.25 Continued to fall "I just feel like I can talk to him about anything. He just makes me feel so comfortable. We spent most of the time dissecting our past relationships. Neither of us have had very good past relationships so it was nice to complain to each other."

2.28 Things begin to work out"Will someone please pinch me? On second thought don't. I'm just still in shock. I would have never expected the outcome I recieved today with the Jeremy situation. To give you the condensed version, we're "GOING OUT".

3.4 "But with Jeremy there is no need for me to feel I have to be someone else. I don't have to be worried that I have to come up with something clever to say. He thinks I'm a "hot chick" (cheesy, I know) but no one has ever thought of me than more than the kind of cute girl who you can take home to mom. I don't feel self conscience or ashamed of my size or for the fact that sometimes I just need to be held.Last night we drove around and just talked and then we parked in our driveway and I layed my head on his chest and we sang along with the music. I wanted to stay with him all night. We haven't really had a "real" date but I feel like I've known him forever. Am I totally nuts?"

3.16 Things sour "As much as I feel a need to write this,it is also blatantly painful because once the words are out I have to deal with the fact that it is reality.Cold hard reality. And let's face it. Reality bites.Jeremy was quite distant once again today. I could play it off for the fact that he is scared and he has put up walls, like he told me on Thursday or the fact that he did have a hangover. I'd really, really like to say that was the only reason. I'm still hoping it is. But me being the pessimist that I naturally am I believe that the end is in sight. I'm crying as I write this because the fact is that I really thought this was the real thing."

3.27 Trying to sort things out"When things are going my way I have no problem in having faith. But it's those dark times when you need it the most that I begin to falter. It seems that there no longer is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have to realize that I just can't see the light yet but it's still there. I know there are many times after a messy situation I look back on it and say, oh my gosh did I learn ______from that. But when you are knee high in it it's hard to see the good side of a bad situation."

THE BREAKUP 3.28"Then he dropped me off and said goodnight and then I just said."This isn't good." He agreed. And I said "It's over." He also agreed.He then goes on to explain that he thought he was ready to have a girlfriend again but he wasn't"

my horoscope for that nightDon't let minor setbacks get you down. You have plenty to offer and if one person doesn't appreciate you another one will."

4.13 Dealing with change "It is so frustrating because damn I care about that guy so much. And I truly thinks he cares about me too just not in the way I wished he would. Sometimes I wish that he was no longer in my life so that way I could much more easily move on with my life without the reminder of how great he can be and how great he was. One of my favorite quotes fits in here"Possibly the sore would soothe and heal if you just stopped picking at the scab."(from the book PLAYING AWAY). And other times I wished that I would have never gone past the friendship stage because as happy as I was when we were together, it isn't possible to miss what you never knew."

Phew! All that in 100 entries! Who knows what will happen in the next 100!