It's over and done with. No deep relationship, no great attatchments not even a date. But somehow I feel like shit. Not because I ever had any big goals between me and Fernando but because once again I have regained a negative perspective on the male gender. Why do I even bother? I am either going to become a hard core feminist or a spinster. I just feel that I'll never find someone. Or that maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm not pretty enough or thin enough or smart enough or have the right personality to find someone. Maybe my laughs all wrong and I leave all my emotions on my sleeve and that I'm too damn naive. I was doing fine before. I was becoming an independant woman. I have a job that I love and a third of a house payment in the bank. But all of a sudden I feel like I am missing something crucial. A guy. I know it shouldn't be that way. But it's like when I added the prospect of a guy liking me and then when it was scraped back out of my life it left a big painful gash that didn't exist before. I told myself I wouldn't let it happen again. I so badly want to tear out the piece of my heart that needs male attention and affection.